Wednesday, February 24, 2010

If I were Aladdin

And I got three wishes, my first one would be this:

I would have the ability to transform my car into a highway patrol car anytime I wish while driving on the freeway in order to teach a little about traffic courtesy and safety. Here's my simple little chant for the day: When possible, stay in the right lane.

I realize there are alot of people who think they own the lane they're in. That includes overly aggressive drivers, as well as overly retarded drivers. Whenever you are on the highway and there is more than one lane in each direction, every driver has the obligation to drive courteously. That includes allowing those who wish to drive faster (even if they are speeding) to pass on the left.

Nobody has the right to slow down drivers by braking in front of them. That is cause for a moron slap (more on that later). If you are being passed on the right that is cause for a moron slap. Everyone has the OBLIGATION to move to the right so that those who wish to pass can do so on the left. If you are in the leftmost lane and you are going the same speed as another car at your 3 o clock, and there is a car immediately behind you, as a courtesy you should speed up and pass the car at your 3 and then move to your right at a reasonable distance in front of them. This allows the car behind you to resume they're desired speed.

The most desirable behavior is if everyone was constantly on the lookout for cars in front, behind and to the side of them, and make passing on the left the utmost priority. If you simply like to drive slow, stay in the rightmost lane.

Now back to my wish. I have no desire to make people suffer (at least financially). So as a part time Highway patrolman, after explaining the above courtesies, I would administer a moron slap. The offender would expose they're bare buttocks and I would deliver a firm slap on the bum. I believe that may be enough to discourage those who like to drive oblivious to anyone else.

Semis are one of the greatest offenders of this courtesy and they all deserve moron slaps. I realize they probably don't like merging with incoming traffic, but deal with it.

Some exceptions would be if there is an exit in the left lane, or when not on the highway (cause people need to turn left all the time), or if you are a legitimate moron.

And the world needs them. They're the first to go when a serial killer is in town or when aliens need to abduct someone.


Elayna said...

I am guessing that you were annoyed with people not going you desired speed and not letting you pass on teh left, Right

temaire said...

lol Loved the post!

DD said...

I will attend your deputy swearing-in ceremony!
I call these morons "vigilante drivers". They like to purposefully make Utah Road Blocks in order to control speed, flow, or something.
They need to take a deep breath and just chill.
You might want to use a spatula for those butt slaps, some bare bums could be scary to touch.

What are your other 2 wishes??